tastyfake!

Back in love with cross stitch...

2009-09-18T16:43:00.008+10:00

I know I said things like "CROSS STITCH IS SUPER BORING" and stuff like that, but I was wrong! I've fallen back in love with it again. Sometimes I need some structure in my life...

I had a cute ice cream cones pattern, and couldn't resist the urge to make drug references. I'm classy.

I stitched this while watching episode after episode of Twin Peaks... and now I'm working on a cross stitch based on The Shining... haha. You'll see!

!!!! Holy shit...

2009-09-15T18:50:00.007+10:00

A couple of things I've discovered recently that have made me lose my shit a little...

CAKELAND by Scott Hove:

THERE ARE NO VIRGINS IN RIVERDALE by Mark J Mulroney:

Stephen J Shanabrook casts gory death scenes/pieces in chocolate

Recent stuff.

2009-09-13T21:31:00.003+10:00

Recently I was featured on my favourite embroidery blog on the internet, Mr X Stitch! I'm so excited and proud to be featured among some amazing contemporary textile artists... find the link here!

Other things I've been up to recently:

Patch for a bag... chain stitch obsessive!

Embroidered shirt, featuring an illustration from Kurt Vonnegut's Breakfast Of Champions (which is a great book, by the way).

Patch for a shirt, I'm a David Foster Wallace nerd... READ INFINITE JEST.

For my friend Flick's birthday.

"And he
woke up screaming,
having dreamed
of a colour he
had never seen
before"
- from the song An Animated Description Of Mr Maps by The Books.

xo

The toughest thing about selling resin jewellery online...

2009-08-23T19:02:00.004+10:00

Is that there are SO many people doing it right now - and they're all copying off the most popular sellers. Exact copies of pendants, directly ripping off ideas, etc. And of course the copies aren't as good as the originals, and are half the price.

Anyway, for now I've started selling some jewels in my pal Chloe's Etsy shop AWESOME EXPRESS. I really need to list some more stuff, promote more... but I'm off to have a drink. Before I go, here are links to the two items I've listed... so far.

orange amp

2009-08-23T18:42:00.001+10:00

orange amp
Originally uploaded by pul(sew)idth

There are so many other things I could blog about right now, but I just saw this on Flickr and it's too amazing not to share!

One of my favourite things...

2009-08-02T20:26:00.000+10:00

Random craft epiphanies. I just had one about resin!

Genetically Engineered Bouquet.

2009-07-29T18:58:00.004+10:00

The latest embroidery I've actually finished. I've dubbed it "Genetically Engeneered Bouquet".

Recently, I've swapped from cross stitch to embroidery. There's just so much more room to move... not restricted by all those rigid squares - not that I didn't take my liberties with cross stitch. Embroidery offers me so much more flexibility - more stitches (although I've only really been obsessively using chain stitch, satin stitch, back stitch and a semi-detatched stitch that I can't remember the name of), and my ideas are much easier to just draw on the fabric and get going, rather than having to map it all out (and inevitably miss out cross stitches and fuck the whole thing up anyway).

Here's a look at my little embroidery/cross stitch wall next to my bed, featuring Francis Bacon postcards from the Tate...

Also, I can't help but add this, anyone who watched Sesame Street as a kid should remember this....

Recent inspiration... & a cross stitch!

2009-05-17T19:22:00.005+10:00

This is my last night living at my parents house, I'm feeling good, taking my last opportunity to drink my dad's beer. I can't wait to have my own space again, to create constantly, and not just waste time looking at gorgeous pictures... with that said, here are some amazing/inspiring/just generally rad pictures I've found on flickr in the last couple of days... click on the links to go to the original pages...

& to finish, my latest cross stitch I've uploaded to flickr...

xoxoxoxo

Items of insane cuteness I've received in the mail this week...

2009-05-09T12:36:00.006+10:00

To be resinated... except maybe for the mini deer, I want to make some kind of intense diorama featuring millions of those guys! I'm going to (FINALLY) be opening an Etsy shop this week or next, selling my resin jewels!

(click for bigger pictures, duh!)

(see something you're interested in? Let me know!)

Things are super exciting right now, I'm moving back into inner Brisbane this week (finally in West End, joining the Slaughterhaus crew), where I'll have a room big enough to turn into half a studio area!

I get to play bridesmaid one more time today, at my brother & new sister's Australian reception! Should be a fun time had by all. Then, this week I plan to shave half my head or something ridiculous like that... my life is finally getting kickstarted again, and it's v exciting!

Maybe an explanation as to why I have 'writer's block' here...

2009-05-06T01:05:00.001+10:00

Quoting myself...

"People react badly to the truth, whether it be about themselves, or the people they think they know...
I think being veiled by anonymity is the only way you (I, we) can speak exactly what is on your mind without others taking things personally..."

Quick Update

2009-04-09T18:59:00.002+10:00

I'm in London (Wembley, but driving to Liverpool today), I went to the Tate Modern yesterday & fell in love with Francis Bacon; his paintings gave me a feeling I haven't felt since I first saw Eraserhead... a kind of unexplainable transfixion & feeling of ... understanding... it's more like an internal shifting of gears, with an almost audible click that makes me feel unsettlingly more complete. Amazing. The Tate has an amazing body of works, with an enormous amount of surrealist art. I couldn't really sleep last night because I couldn't stop thinking about everything I saw... Can't wait to go home and be able to create again.

Also, yesterday I fucking saw the TARDIS. In real terms, outside Earl's Court tube station they have and old blue police box, which I was a little too excited seeing.

Budapest has been my favourite city on this trip, it's beautiful. Seeing the sights of Paris & London felt like looking through postcards (apart from the Parisian Catacombs which were awe inspiring), but before my trip I knew next to nothing & had no expectations about Budapest, but it's amazing & definitely somewhere I'll be going back to many times.

So far I have an enormous amount of photos to post to Flickr... but that will have to wait til I get home. It's 9 days til my brother's wedding!

Rome was also beautiful, seeing the Colosseum & Roman Forum were wicked unreal. xox

New resin mini-batch!

2009-03-17T11:32:00.001+10:00

Small lists of movies.

2009-03-15T20:44:00.009+10:00

Books & movies are really my main obsessions (outside creating), music being a close third.

Here's a list of movies I've watched recently that I reallyreally enjoyed, in no particular order (well, as I think of them):

1. Yojimbo, 1961, directed by Akira Kurosawa. My latest full blown obsession is Kurosawa films starring Toshiro Mifune.

"I'm not dying yet. I have to kill quite a few men first."

2. 8 1/2, 1963, directed by Federico Fellini.

"You see, what stands out at a first reading is the lack of a central issue or a philosophical stance. That makes the film a chain of gratuitous episodes which may even be amusing in their ambivalent realism. You wonder, what is the director really trying to do? Make us think? Scare us? That ploy betrays a basic lack of poetic inspiration."

(Fellini attached a note to himself below the camera's eyepiece (when filming) which read, "Remember, this is a comedy.")

.. x

Cross-stitched Anti-Valentines!

2009-03-11T10:20:00.002+10:00

Anti-Valentine for Tastyfake
Originally uploaded by liviaincognito

Oli's anti-valentine for me, isn't she sweet? Hehe. I loves it, but I forgot to take it home in my hungover haze the next morn!

And my anti-valentine for her, which I forgot to photograph
before giving it to her!

Childhood Sunset collage etc

2009-03-10T15:18:00.002+10:00

Finished collage. Click for larger image.

Some fun stuff I got in the mail yesterday:

xoxoxox

Clitter!

2009-03-06T08:36:00.004+10:00

!!!!!!!

Other amusements today/yesterday/whenever:

From My Unfinished Doctoral Dissertation on Breakfast Cereals By Dave Frye (from McSweeney's, which I read entirely too much of)
Scrapiteria (interesting collage blog with quirky stories to go with them)
Tada's Revolution (cute & hilarious photography of stuffed bears/pandas. This carjacking one is my favourite!)
Totally Severe Embroidery (seriously fucking amazing embroidery, I think the Star Trek one is my fave)

postpostscript, re wage slavery.

2009-03-05T14:21:00.009+10:00

I always meant to do a clarification on this post, about working.

At my last job, I worked with women twice my age, for the same pay rate (about $15/hour before tax, with super etc, it was just a warehouse job). It was undeniably depressing - watching these women (most who had worked there for years, mostly kind hearted, good people), mothers (many single), being treated as expendable, basically worthless worker bees. It didn't help that there were stupid gang ups on each other and factions (basically just bitching constantly about each other, which equalled no morale and a soul-destroying workplace run on fear & gossip). Not to mention the monthly Week Of Hell, thanks to the considerable percentage of pre-menopausal women whose periods had synced up. (It was a company of about 30 people: 4 males, the rest wuzzas, pre-menopausal about 60%). The job completely destroyed me, twice.

I can handle being paid a base wage right now, but in 20 years, I definitely hope that I receive income based on my experience and value to whatever 'organisation' I work for. I realise that most of my good friends have been doing wage slave type jobs, and that really can't be helped, being young. I just want something more. I want a job that makes a difference, or embraces my creativity (instead of stifling it).

These are my personal issues that I try and deal with by writing about them.

'On Scrapbooking'

2009-03-04T19:36:00.003+10:00

Just something I posted on flickr that I thought I'd post here too:

Personally, I hate the word 'scrapbook'. The fact that 'scrapbooking' as a commercial term has been overtaken & used by some of the world's most mediocre and uncreative women (who need classes to teach them how to arrange images and think outside their boxes regarding any sort of embellishment) makes me cringe at the word.

I don't have a better term for it, though. Although, lately I've been using the term 'psychedelic collage' for my own stuff.

(I used to work at a 'scrapbooking warehouse', where I got to see the crappy, boring, country craft-baby book miasma firsthand. Even the 'professional designers' employed there made me want to vomit with their bland 'ideas'. "I'M A PRINCESS!!!!!!").

Every other scrapbooking group on flickr is all "LOOK AT MY BABY!!!" or "LOOK AT HOW PRETTY I AM!!!".

Don't even get me started on mothers who purposely pose every freakin' event in their lives to scrapbook later. Ugh! Sickos.

Ps. I have an idea - 'scrapebooking', as in "you'll have to scrape my face off the pavement, because this page is so goddamn boring & unoriginal that I'm going to throw myself headfirst out a 6-storey window after viewing it."

Pearls Before Swine, 2008

2009-03-04T15:23:00.002+10:00

(as always, click for bigger image)

'Artwork' I did last year, using resin, glitter & fake pearls.
(not to mention a bit 'o crazy). xx

(I've uploaded a few old projects of mine at flickr today,
photostream link in previous post, or to your right)

Today's collage...

2009-03-04T01:26:00.001+10:00

(click to enlarge etc)
Half finished, more pictures in my flickr photostream.
xoxox

Psychedelic collage - Sesame St vs god

2009-02-17T23:52:00.005+10:00

(click the images for bigger views)

Late last year I started doing what I coined 'psychedelic collage'; basically I'd put on some movies, get high, obsessively cut out images from children's books etc, & attach them to scrapbook paper with paper studs instead of glue. Less messy, faster, & adds dimension. xo

Things I did today:

2009-02-10T17:35:00.004+10:00

Turned 23
Spent the day with some rad friends
Got message after message from my nearest&dearest
Went to the Game On exhibition at the State Library (if you haven't gone, I really really recommend it, but it ends Saturday!)

Bubble Bobble is still the best game ever!

Expect photos with every post now, kidlets...

2009-02-09T18:42:00.004+10:00

I got my new camera today, I'm so very happy with it. I was a little worried about the colours, until I'd worked out the right settings to capture true colour ("foliage" setting was a winner...). It does very nice macro. Let me show you!

(Click the images to view the pictures at a bigger size!)

Oh resin, how I love thee... unfortunately I think I'll have to tone down my glitter a bit in the future... I have an addiction...

Anyway, those photos are almost exactly true to life. Fuck yeah!
More resins at my flickr photostream!
xoxoxoxoxox
Ps. Any ideas/requests for my next resin batch?
Let me know, custom orders are/will be my lifeblood xoxo

Dave Chappelle

2009-02-04T18:33:00.004+10:00

(Dave as Prince)

I've been watching episodes of Chappelle's Show over the last couple of days - my pez keep asking me what makes me laugh so hard. Somehow, I don't think they'd quite get it... here's a clip of something I'd completely forgotten about that almost made me spit beer all over my laptop (the first time I saw it a few years ago, I wasn't a Wu-Tang fan just yet...).

A scene from one of my favourite sketches, the Playa Hater's Ball...
feat. Ice-T (who I've loved forever&ever)

I wanted to include the Wayne Brady sketch, and a million others,
but I'm off to watch more Chappelle!

Re-obsessed with cross stitch.

2009-01-31T22:00:00.004+10:00

For once, these are actually my flickr photos! I've started doing cross stitch again, not long til my fingers and wrists start to ache... meanwhile, here are some of my old projects.
All done in 2008.

Other crafty things I've made...

I really wish my camera would work again. Stupid jerk camera!

Timothy McSweeney's Internet Tendency

2009-01-27T21:18:00.004+10:00

Today I've mostly been amusing myself by reading McSweeney's Internet Tendency.

Some favourites...

EVERYTHING IS WRONG WITH YOU: A LETTER FROM DR. PHIL. BY WENDY MOLYNEUX
WHITE HOUSE STAFF MEMO REGARDING THE TRANSITION ON JANUARY 20. BY WENDY MOLYNEUX & MIKE BOYLE
HOW TO MAXIMIZE YOUR ESTATE'S PAIN-AND-SUFFERING COMPENSATION FOR YOUR INEVITABLE DEATH IN A PLANE CRASH.BY ALISON ESPACH
TRANSLATED THOUGHTS AND QUESTIONS THAT ARE RUNNING THROUGH A NORTH KOREAN REFUGEE'S MIND WHEN HE IS AWARDED POLITICAL ASYLUM
IN THE UNITED STATES, SETTLES DOWN, TURNS ON THE TELEVISION, AND THE FIRST THING HE SEES IS A FANCY FEAST CAT-FOOD COMMERCIAL. BY DAVID ALDRIDGE
MY PET PEEVES BY DAN LIEBERT

(Apologies about the caps; you think I'm going to type all that shit out when I can copy&paste, especially that Fancy Feast one... hehe). I'll probably add even more later...x

Tribute to the Eternal Great One

2009-01-27T20:27:00.004+10:00

Cthulhu fthagn!

(Click on the pictures to go to their flickr pages...)

Plus, some other tentacled relatives...

Picking Up at Lifeline Bookfest.

2009-01-21T15:16:00.003+10:00

When I say 'picking up', I'm referring to books. I've had a few conversations this week about the possibilities of picking up (yes, trad usage now) at Bookfest... I just don't see it being possible. I'm waaaaay too picky when it come to books to actively seek out babes... and in my experience, the few attractive people who attend Bookfest (that I don't already know) tend to relieve the tables of pulp crap. Good for my bookshelf! Anyway, I went this morning & managed to pick up a couple...

Dave Eggers - What Is The What. I've been wanting to read this for a while, and scored a well-thumbed copy in the priced section. This alone made bookfest worth it for me.
Solzhenitsyn - Lenin In Zurich. I saw a few Solzhenitsyn's, but this was the only one I didn't have... seriously, if you spot a Solzhenitsyn, I thoroughly reccommend picking it up, esp. The First Circle and One Day In The Life Of Ivan Denisovich.
Harold Pinter - The Caretaker.
Doctor Who - Travel Without The TARDIS. Yes, nerdy. It's a fan's guide to England, Scotland & Wales... will be using!

Plus others... some Tennessee Williams, Bernard Shaw, Joseph Conrad... plus a Samuel Beckett that I already have. Silly me. For the 5th day I think I did pretty well. Off to read...x

postcript

2009-01-20T21:29:00.006+10:00

It's not like I don't like to have fun (I do), but I'm just really puzzled...

What do 'regular' people think about?
What's for tea?
Footy match on the weekend?
All that mundane shit....
It blows my mind that there are people (so many people!) who aren't even remotely interested EVER in thinking, about REALLY using their brains.
I can't help but think about this shit...

how do people just live their boring, shitty, meaningless lives without thinking outside their boxes? Slaving away for a fucking dollar or two til you're 60, never getting to enjoy the fruits of your labour... I'd rather kill myself. The human race have again defiled themselves to the point of slavery, after centuries of supposed evolution. Good bosses don't exist and I just don't understand why. Fear is still a motivator in the workplace. Fuck these people...

sick of thinking about this shit... fucking proles...

Still no internets...

2008-12-18T10:42:00.002+10:00

Bah humbug?

2008-12-02T13:40:00.008+10:00

I'm bored, therefore I'm browsing Flickr.

Endless amusement, & these images are from the groups:

The Horror Of Xmas

Creepy Christmas

(Click the pictures to go their Flickr pages for more info!)

Love Will Tear Us Apart - Ian Curtis Grave

2008-12-02T13:38:00.001+10:00

Love Will Tear Us Apart, Ian Curtis Grave, April 2006
Originally uploaded by Love Of Carnage!

Mini cake, macarons, cookies, strawberries and many more

2008-11-22T08:04:00.001+10:00

Mini cake, macarons, cookies, strawberries and many more
Originally uploaded by ciyou

too cute!

GumBallistic!

2008-11-22T08:03:00.002+10:00

GumBallistic!
Originally uploaded by boopsie.daisy

boopsie.daisy is one of my favourite photographers on Flickr!

Her setups are always immaculate, & her colours are unreal!

x

toothache :(

2008-11-22T07:48:00.004+10:00

My teeth hurt.
I have an addiction...

To refined sugar.
(As I typed that, Bleed American by Jimmy Eat World came on Rage. Love this song...)

I really have to make these again! Yum!

Tastyfake Designs

2008-11-21T21:37:00.001+10:00

Just some jewels, pre-spangle. :) x

loving your job

2008-11-18T06:07:00.002+10:00

loving your job
Originally uploaded by willlaren

Found this artist on Flickr this morning, fucking hilarious!

Check out my Flickr faves for more lolz... x

Those who get it!

2008-11-17T19:10:00.006+10:00

Ok, so I found some pretty amazing tattoos on that site... allow me to share:

Fuck this auto formatting... will edit never. Soz.

BABEFEST 2008 CRUST SPECTACULAR

2008-11-15T14:01:00.005+10:00

Another day of nothin', i'm running out of time....

2008-11-05T11:29:00.000+10:00

The 'truth' has a way of punching me in the face - sometimes it takes the air out of my lungs. I know (& it really hurts, it terrifies me) that every single day, for the rest of my life, I have the opportunity to make positive choices regarding my mental health. No matter how impossible it might seem. I have this disease - it eats away at my brain, until I'm in this deep, black void. Often, it feels like I only have a handful of options, & my mind can't see anything else, for the darkness.

Sometimes I don't feel like I'm in the void at all anymore. Then, I have a string of bad chemical days, & I'm sucked back in. It doesn't help when there's other things stressing me, that I can't control. There's something inexplicably comforting about the darkness. I switch off. I let my mind overflow.

Black Mariah days...

2008-11-02T09:40:00.002+10:00

While this picture may not look so hilarious to you, it reminds me of an awesome time in my life. It was the day Black Mariah recorded our demo (Shetland Pony High Times,, now that's a blast from the past!) pirate style in Mark's bedroom, at St Lucia. Anyway, there weren't enough mic stands, so this wooden giraffe thing acted the part. After we were done with it, I think Will decided to take it down to the bus stop, with a note attached, saying something like
"Please take care of me, I have no home" and heaps of other shit. He put it down there at about 7am, and by the time they checked at about 7:30am he was gone! I hope he found a good home, he was a very practical giraffe. We should have thanked him in the liner notes. I don't think we even ever thanked Geordie & Neil for the use of their voices... but I've said too much!

Some other photos from that day :)

Things were pretty casual that day, I won't lie. Just some brotherly love (Dave probably got his cock out to make Will feel uncomfortable not long after). Sorry Dave. You know it's probably true, though. :)

MixMasterMarkFree, at his mixmaster's desk.

It'z me. Good times. Recording is the best fun you can have with cans on. Mics, on the other hand, can be torture for a self-taught amateur! (I can deal with it now, but I was unhappy with my vox on the Ratnest recording for a long time. I need to be able to move around to get it all out!)

Unfortunately, Limey Ben (2nd axemaster, awesome dude) had gone back to Mother England by that time. The pirate program we used ate up his tracks & our old guitarist, Nick, had to re-do them. Unfortunate.

If you want a copy of the demo, I'm sure we all have a little stack of them floating around somewhere. I reserve my right to choose who gets to hear it, though! & no, no reunion or discography. Only if it would be our covers... we did some rad ones: Pride, Honour, Loyalty by Far Left Limit (FLL still rule, my favourite babes are ones with FLL shirts! Wish I had one), Waste 'Em All by Municipal Waste (would give my.... err... a limb to be able to do this again - I still can't believe we could pull it off at the time! My stomach muscles were pretty stealth), others...

Enough reminiscing.
xLN

Ice Cube Cross Stitch

2008-11-01T13:53:00.002+10:00

Ice Cube Cross Stitch
Originally uploaded by laughable

Did this in June this year.

One more thing...

2008-10-31T17:49:00.003+10:00

I just remembered hearing about David Tennant quitting as The Doctor.

To reiterate, "it feelz like my boyf just died". Wah. & Stephen Fry isn't even in the running to inherit "the Earth"?

I really like Doctor Who way too much, but I know I'm not alone. So shush. It's Friday, go have some fun like all you kids do! x

Tired...

2008-10-31T16:21:00.006+10:00

I hope, that one day, I'll love my non-accidental scars as much as I love my tattoo. I hope I can learn to love them as much as I love my heart scar on my back:

(Scarification by Wayde Dunn, 2006)
They're all a part of me, and I wouldn't change it (or myself) for the world.

It's just past 4:20. You know what that means...
(It means I have to go home & watch Singin' In The Rain again, really, it's that good. Anyone who can't enjoy it needs to man the fuck up & start dancin' like Gene Kelly!)

Mmm, forbidden donut...

2008-10-30T18:07:00.004+10:00

I'm so exhausted! I've been working pretty much all day - fuck exercise, I've been joyfully toiling through a can of resin (the plastic kind that I make jewels with), but mostly I've been reinventing a broken, but cute mini kitchen hutch, which I've turned into a resin curing, super awesome cupboard. Today, I installed hinges, handles & recovered most of it in scrapbooking paper I've acquired over the years. &, a resin batch that went murky (I used a different brand than usual, now I know it's Digger's or nothin'. Thx Bunnings). In a little while I'll make my way over to the Red Room at UQ, to see tight bros (& To The North as well, lolz ). It's an enjoyable, but long walk from mi casa. Right now, I'd prefer to sleeeeeeeeep (what hurts today will make me stronger tomorrow ). Why you so humid, Queensland? It's barely Spring! It's all the way to hell from here...

Once I get my camera up & running again (I have... misplaced my camera-to-computer cord in the junkyard that is my room), I'm going to create a "working with resin" how-to. It's so amazing to finally be able to create resin jewels that turn out perfectly. Mind you, that's with about... 3 years experience of working with it. & sometimes, not everything turns out great (the cast-offs are used to decorate the silly shit I make). But, with enough tips (when I started getting serious about it, I read the entire Craftster thread on it - it was a serious mission! Sharing knowledge is rad!), you can create some pretty fun stuff! My fingers are covered (with my experience, I sometimes make the somewhat dubious decision to not wear protective gloves) in a thin coating of resin and sometimes glitter. I love getting my hands dirty! The now-rad chipboard cupboard was a crumbling mess, but I think I've cleaned it up pretty ok so far... half the base is still uneven, though, that's going to be a bitch. The effort will be worth it, though. My limbs are also streaked with varnish and paint - it's a toxic profession!

Let that ill-gotten donut be forever on your head...
xLN

PS. Personal Halloween costume ideas: Tracy Turnblad (the original, I've always wanted to make her cockroach dress! I can do The Roach like nobody's business), Cathy Seldon (Singin' In The Rain really is beyond fantastic, I bought it yesterday, along with Stephen Hawking's A Brief History Of Time, a Cronenberg reader, & something else), & Nikki Brandt (from Videodrome, I'm obsessed, all I need is a "stimulating" red dress! Come to Nikki...!). I think Nikki wins...

2.30am - remember to breathe/dreams

2008-10-29T02:30:00.000+10:00

My mind feels like it's sitting in stagnant water,
My brain pulses with stress, & refuses to shut off -
Breeding fear when I should be asleep.
I close my eyes
& I feel blood pulsing through my limbs.

I know I'm trying to talk myself out of sleeping, but I need a break from dreaming.
All my dreams involve international espionage... being chased or lost in foreign places.
When I try & piece them back together in the morning, (although I've given up; the more I remember, the less sense they make) I get frustrated, puzzled, & generally creeped out.

The subconscious is a wonderful thing.
Here's to having an overactive imagination,
& a habit of thinking (&thinking&thinking) about things I can't control.

Nights like these are why His Hero Is Gone are my favourite. (Headless/Heartless)

(I have 150 pages of The First Circle to go, but I'm already trying to decide what to read next... any suggestions? If I can procure my own copy, maybe it's time for Infinite Jest...)

In the spirit of the moment (reaching delerium now... yawn), here's a top 5 of my favourite lullabies to drift off to...

1. Mogwai - Come On Die Young (whole album)
2. Slint - Spiderland (ditto)
3. Joanna Newsom - Sawdust & Diamonds
4. Laurie Anderson - O Superman
5. Will Oldham (aka Bonnie 'Prince' Billy) - Seafarer's Music
(Hon. mentions - Joy Division, Cat Power, Iron&Wine, Karate, Archers Of Loaf...etc)

A short list of things that make me feel better.

2008-10-28T18:29:00.001+10:00

1. Smoking
2. Drag Queens
3. Laughing at myself
4. Laughing in general
5. Coffee

Oh, Ash.

2008-10-23T21:04:00.002+10:00

Evil Dead!

You should listen to more Zeke.

xLN

...

2008-10-15T18:31:00.000+10:00

I admit, my recent thoughts have been negative.
& I need to get my priorities in order.
That has always been my problem... I just couldn't see it. My mind is not always "on the ball". I can see the bigger picture now. It's weird, how all kinds of lame analogies like that have rung true with me lately.

But right now, I need to busy myself with something.
I usually have the power to stop my "negative thought train", but it's still puffing along in the back of my mind.

(Can I do this? Can I "get on with my life?")

Full steam ahead...
I need to get some sleep.
Have you ever had dreams that were ultimate perfect what-you-want-to-happen-in-real-life?
As I recall my dreams throughout the day (vivid dreams are a side effect of meds I'm on, and they're not kidding. I sleep so deeply that my dreams are bizarre and intertwining), they twist into nightmares.

I can't deal with it.

If only these amazing things would happen in real life.
There's a constant nagging (I blame the train) in the back of my head.
What if this is like all the other times?
Can I do this "by myself"?
Is my resolve really stronger than ever?

I know I'm being indulgent, but that's the thing with depression.
Once you start thinking negatively, you never really stop.
A while ago I realized that I had been thinking so negatively, for so long, that I thought it was normal.
That may sound... obvious to you (it is to me now), but I have been unwell. For a long time.
Every thought was once a deception upon a deception (my own personal doublethink, forever loyal to the black cloud residing in my chest).
I can see through the cloud these days... most of the time.
But when the train starts running, the thicksome bloats of smoke (thx Nick Cave) fill
The cavity inside my chest.

xo Lisa Nicole.

Nihongo

2008-10-13T04:31:00.000+10:00

One of my favourite things about the Japanese language is the non-existence of Capitalisation. I prefer to listen to the language via music (listen to Gauze’s Fuckheads album, it‘s fucking genius) and movies (Kurosawa mostly, but my favourite is Tetsuo - The Iron Man, second only - in my world - to Eraserhead. There‘s hardly any dialogue in Tetsuo, but the soundtrack alone is brilliant industrial madness. My god, Shinya Tsukamoto is a babe in that movie. I know, I‘m a creep), but even in it’s loosest, most comfortable form, there’s still a strict order and restraint to Japanese. In English, I’m finding, you can be a lot more political with your Capitalisation. I am unsure if I would give “xmas” a capital even at the start of a sentence. xmas day, AKA baby Jesus’ b’day, means family gathering, but the faith aspect is of no interest to me, personally. I believe in science… Stephen Hawking’s birthday should be celebrated! What an interesting man. The things he must dream about… terrify me! All my favourite geniuses have some kind of “obstacle”. For Kurt Vonnegut, it was old age. It broke my fucking heart when he died. Sometimes, when I’m feeling… anxious, I open up Breakfast Of Champions at any page and read, It’s my own personal version of praying. I read until I feel calm, which always happens after a while, he always makes me feel better. Then I thank Mr Vonnegut, sir (really, my version of praying, you could say weed has opened up my mind regarding spirituality - when David Foster Wallace died, I went straight to Incarnations Of Burned Children for comfort. I read it over and over, sometimes getting stuck on certain parts, & bawled my eyes out. That story always hit a note with me since the first time I read it… I get so caught up in the pace of it, it’s brilliant… Devastated & Lost, indeed), for the lovely prose that he happened to bless the world with.

God bless you, Mr Vonnegut (he's up in heaven now, you know)...

Peas out,
Lisa Nicole x

Lady Lazarus.

2008-09-28T16:00:00.000+10:00

"The second time I meant to last it out
and not come back at all. I rocked shut as a seashell,
And they had to pull the worms off me like sticky pearls."